The new "Normal"

  A few months ago we had a ladies retreat that I was very blessed to be able to go on. It was a whole three days long, and a few hours away which put me where I so long to be.. farm country.
  There was no up all nights with crying babies, eating cold food, or forgetting to eat. As a matter a fact I am pretty sure I have not eaten as much as I did that weekend in like ten years! Those ladies stuffed us with meals, snacks, and treats constantly!
There was amazing worship with a very talented worship leader, inspirational speakers, s'mores, hayrides, laughs, and fellowship. I could feel God's presence as I sat on a porch swing and looked over the rolling hills into the trees and listened to cows mooing in the background.
It was like heaven on earth, and it had everything a tired and weary mama could ever ask for! Well almost everything..
  We sat down that first night at a table for our small group session, and began a question and answer session. I loved listening, and learning about my Sisters in Christ that surrounded me. We were asked to name the most important, and influential person in your life right now and when it came to me I passed.  The girls went around each giving their answers one by one while I listened and tried so hard to not think about mine.  When everyone had finished a friend at my table gave me a hard time and said "Rhi can't pass" lol  so I smiled took a deep breath and began to answer.  I felt my eyes instantly tear up, and I began to talk about my husband.
You see I wanted to pass because here I was at a table that also included a military wife, and a wife of a boat captain who's husband is gone for weeks at a time. I felt so guilty saying, this weekend that was such a blessing, was one of the hardest weekends I had ever had! These women go through so much more then a weekend, how could I get so upset and pour my heart out in front of them. I knew I could never do what those ladies did on a daily basis! Next came the " we are not normal" gut feeling I had that made me not want to admit how much I really missed my best friend! I was after all on the ultimate girls weekend!
  My husband and I do not do things apart.. almost EVER.. we NEVER spend nights apart, and are the couple that can not even go to sleep at night if the other one is not next to us in bed. Even on my hardest of days with autism meltdowns, and little boys being boys, making their mama crazy. It always gets better in his arms at night before we drift off asleep. It was then I realized as great as it all was, I felt like a piece of me was still at home.
  Somewhere in society we have come to believe its "normal" to not want to spend time with your spouse, its normal to not want to be around them, its normal to want to be out with your friends, and each of you doing your own things.

There seems to be a time limit set where after so many years you will' "get sick of them". I think for some couples, that works for them, but its been ten years, and I don't ever want that to be the "normal" for us.
I want very much to have a Godly marriage, which is not one with no trials but one where

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it "Ephesians 5:25 -
I can't help but think that Christ never gives excuses after a certain amount of time that it's been three, five, ten, years so it was okay to need space, and not be in the honeymoon phase anymore.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sinspeter 4:8

I know I most definitely have my sins, so to be able to do something as simple as love my husband to cover them... is amazing, and not asking to much.

Now don't get me wrong, we have been through a roller coaster of trials, arguments and issues like all married couples do!  Every day is not full of love notes, and roses!  As a matter a fact my sweet husband is not one to give flowers, or love notes unless you plain out say.. "Flowers would be nice, or I wish I got love notes." After all that you still may not get them because you didn't come right out and say it plainly lol. He is a man, a good one, but never the less a man, and they're wired different! :-)
 I don't pretend to know all there is to know about being married but one thing I do know is God gave me a partner, a best friend, a companion, and confidant! I know that as hard as marriage is, life is so much harder, and there is no one else I can imagine by my side through it all. 
I know that we used to be a society of til death do us part, and now a marriage of fifty years is nearly non existent. We have prenuptial agreements to protect us if things don't work. We literately go into a marriage preparing for it to fail and wonder why the divorce rate is so high! I know things need to change.  I challenge you all to be part of the "New Normal!" The couple, whether its been a year or fifty years still hold hands, praises their spouse in person, as well as publicly and does the lovey stuff! Yes praise your spouse on your Facebook and in person to your friends and family! Stop, the only time you bring them up to those around you from being a " he didn't take the garbage out again." Let the world see how great they truly are as much as you share how many faults they have! You will be amazed at the difference it makes for your marriage! Make it "normal" to not like to be apart and make it "normal" to hold hands no matter how long you have been married.  Make God the only person that is above your spouse, and I know that can be so hard with little ones! Make constantly perusing dating, and loving on your spouse the "Normal" because I believe that is how God wanted marriage to be. 
 Imagine the world we would have if marriages like that become  the new " Normal."

Me a Super Mom?!

Super mom... when I think of a super mom I think back to when my grandma was young, married, and had six children by the time she was only twenty-three! Yes there truly were super women at that time.

 They made everything from scratch! Everything  from curtains to biscuits, and somehow managed to always look presentable, held together, and have a house so clean that you could eat off the floor.

 I strive to be that women, and have it all together all the time. I would love to proudly smile when people compliment my spotless house, home made bread, and pastries.
The reality is on a good day when I heard someone was coming over I threw a ton of stuff into a closest, and our disaster of a master bedroom, and shut the door!  I stuck some ingredients in a bread maker, hit start, and took some pastries out of a box from the local bakery and strategically put them on a plate.There is really nothing super about it.

The days I get to actually take a shower are those to be celebrated, and if by the time my husband came home from work my makeup and hair were done, and I looked presentable.. I am pretty sure he would ask "where are we going?" Lol

Now don't get me wrong, I give 110% most days to my husband, children, and home. I have just come to learn that no matter how hard I try, I will not have enough hours in the day to be the "Super Mom" I would so love to be. 

I am blessed to be a homeschooling mama of three amazing boys.  One of which has autism.  So just that part of my day, as wonderful as it can be, absolutely drains me leaving VERY little to no motivation to do much of anything else. lol So I have learned that dishes, and vacuuming can wait, and am thankful my amazing husband agrees! 

Like many mommies these days I have a Facebook which I use to keep family and friends in the loop with whats going on in our day. I have come to realize that between Facebook and pinterest, there are endless things that can be done in your home, or for your family that would make you a better wife, and/or mother. I have also learned I will never be able to complete them all, or be the best mom or wife that has ever lived. I can however be the best wife and/or mother that I can be. 

I recently had a talk with a sweet lady from church who told me how she see's all my posts on Facebook, and just doesn't understand how I do it all? She went on to say how I always looked like I had it together, the homeschooling, DIY projects, and she could never do it all like I do. 

I was so humbled by her sweet comments, and praises. I honestly didn't even know anyone really paid attention except for family. Her sweet words made me tear up, and so she politely changed the subject.

On my way home and for the next couple hours I kept thinking about her sweet comments, and what I wished I had told her. I am not good at receiving compliments, and never really know how to respond until after the fact, so now I know what I wish I had said....I know what I would like to say to all mamas that read this... 

You are amazing, dedicated, hardworking, and under-appreciated nearly every single day! You have a very hard job that is payed in hugs, and as great as that is, it doesn't give you even an extra dollar to buy that new pair of jeans you desperately need, but will never spend the money on yourself to get.

The stay at home mamas that give all of their day to their husbands, children, and homes you are doing something amazing! Your days are full of countless jobs, and errands that many have no clue need to be  done. Never let anyone tell you that you are "just a mom"!

The working moms that are at work all day long, and still find the energy to come home make dinner, run kids to practices,games,and proudly cheer your kids on you are a blessing to your family! Your kids are grateful that you are there even if it doesn't seem that way!

For the homeschooling mamas that use every ounce of patience they have everyday not because homeschooling is easy, but because you know in your heart its what is best for your children, and family you are so selfless! Even on the days you are to tired to fight the good fight, and make it a vacation day! The countless hours of research, planning, and learning will pay off!

 For my public or private schools moms.. just because homeschooling isn't what is best for you, and your family all your deeds don't go unnoticed either. School comes with all the nights you have stayed up late helping with papers that a kiddo had waited til the last minute to do. The PTA, the parties, the class helping, the snacks, the sports, and the concerts.. keep doing an amazing job! 

Special needs moms.. you are so so dear to my heart. The countless calls that have to be made, the research, the appointments, the sleepless nights, and countless tears. Remember God only gives special children to special people. No matter how much you feel like no one notices, you are noticed, and just keep taking it one day at a time! 

I can't speak for anyone else, but I can tell you when I post on Facebook, it is of all our projects, smiles, home school field trips, crafts, and DIY projects I do around the house, You see the highlights of my world. I don't post the sinks full of dishes that will still be there late into the night, the dinners my husband has come home from working all day and made because I ran out of time.  I don't post when I lost my cool and sent all three boys to their room for an hour so I could have a moment of sanity. I don't post the DIY projects that haven't been finished and its six months after the fact of my grand idea! I don't post pictures of the autism meltdowns or tears that come not only from my boys but from me after a long day. I don't post the updates or pictures of the nights I cry into my husbands shoulder because I don't want to fight with autism anymore and tell God life is not fair.  

I do not always have it together, and I promise you that we share many of the same struggles! So why don't I post all my struggles? Why is my Facebook so upbeat and positive?  Well It is a choice I made not to dwell on the bad things in life, but the good. When I set my focus on the positives it makes me more positive. I like to look back over my news feed and smile, not frown :-) Plus I think the people who air all their dirty laundry on FB are crazy.. somethings are meant to be left at home. 

So is there such thing as a "Super Mom".. yes I think we all are. I think every mom that chooses her child over the partying life style, the mom that waits to eat dinner to make sure her children are full no matter how many plates they kids have eaten is a "Super Mom".  I think the mom that is no where near what she had planned for life right now because sacrifices she gladly made for her children is a "Super Mom". I think the mom working countless hours to buy that bike their child really wants for their birthday even though she doesn't know how she will put food on the table this week is a "Super Mom". 

We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and we all shine in our own way! 

So go get your pb&j covered capes out of the closest and wear them proudly! Keep kissing boo boos, singing that lullaby, and raising those precious blessings that God gave you. 

Keep being a "Super Mom"!